Photo courtesy of Grace Graphics.
Dear Diary,
I’ve come up with a brand new game! For the past two days, I’ll pace like I’m going to defecate on their precious carpet, and garner mom’s attention. Frantically she’ll shove her laptop aside yelling “No no no!”, sounding suspiciously like the teacher from Charlie Brown. Sometimes she’ll trip over something, which is hilarious. She’ll swoop in and pick me up and carry me outside, over any puddles. (Free chauffeur service! Score!) Here comes the best part.
When we get outside, I’ll just bark the grass into submission, ram my head into the grass, and roll around like a wild animal.
It’s liberating.
Then I’ll poop in the house anyway. I am the King.
Steaming Piles of Love,
Horatio
8 Comments
May 16, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Horatio, you are just like my little Edie.
May 16, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Jamie,
Edie and I will take over the world. And then we’ll begin an epic power struggle to find out who is the real champion… unless I find a really interesting piece of tissue. If that happens, the battle must wait.
Bones,
Horatio
May 17, 2008 at 1:23 am
Calvin will surely join this coven once he gets over his hatred of being awake.
May 17, 2008 at 2:34 am
OMG!
You’ve just described Milo as a puppy!! LOL
May 17, 2008 at 10:17 am
My dog did exactly the same when she was a puppy!
May 17, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Dear Ben,
Calvin is already taking correspondence courses from my School of Puppy Skills Learning Annex.
You’re Welcome,
Horatio
Dear Grace,
Thank Milo for letting me use his picture. He seems dope.
Bones,
Horatio
Dear Perpetual,
She’s a smart lady!
Kibbles,
Horatio
May 17, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Horatio,
This is Squeaker, the supreme ruler of the house of Shaw Girl. Please sign me up for this correspondence course of which you speak. I sense that my human is attempting a coup and I wish to thwart it in a swift manner.
Sincerely,
Squeaker, Esq.
May 17, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Most Esteemed Monsieur Squeaker,
I shall send on the materials forthwith. The only good human is a trained one. I understand and sympathize with your plight, as my humans actually think they are the boss of me.
Some things you will learn with this course include, but are not limited to:
1. How to let your human think they are the head of the house while maintaining control and the upper paw in the relationship.
2. Teaching your human tricks.
3. How to get an extra bowl of kibble.
4. Exploitation of humans weakness for cuteness.
You are on the road to human recovery and putting them in their place.
Your Compatriot,
Horatio
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