You thought you had heard the last of me weeks ago, I know. I’ve been busy, okay? Anyway, because Liz is ridiculously lazy (or as she says, she’s too busy doing her day job) I guest blogged for her today over at Ohmygoshi. I figured I’d put it here too since I’m learning that humans can’t do anything unless you hold their hand… which is very hard to do without thumbs.
Dear Diary,
Mom is apparently too busy with “work” and her “job” and “meetings” to write something herself, so she’s leaving it up to me. I swear, this woman wouldn’t remember to feed me if I didn’t ram my bowls into the wall when they were empty. One time I had to drag a 44 pound bag of food out into the middle of the floor and spill it everywhere. True story.
Humans. We have to do everything for them.
So mom has been “working” from home with her new “job”, although I’m convinced this is just a ploy to keep from catering to my every whim, but whatever. I’ve found some new ways to get attention. If there are any dogs reading, take note.
My newest thing is paper. Everywhere. It’s amazing really. You’re not destroying anything of any real value, but you can coat an entire apartment with shredded paper. Just the other day, mom and dad just had to “go on a date” so they came home to shredded boxes, newspapers, and a Netflix envelope for kicks. It’s minimal effort with maximum impact.
Although yesterday I had to teach mom a lesson. She got mad at me because apparently it’s some big “no-no” to growl and bark at the television whenever someone says or does something on a show. I don’t see why she can bitch, yell, curse, and moan whenever she’s watching one of her sporting events (glorified fetch; way to be original, humans), and I can’t.
As her punishment I shredded her first paycheck. That’ll teach her.
What’s the best part of all of this? I’m cute as hell and they can’t stay mad at me. She tried ignoring me this morning, and where am I now? Cuddled next to her on the couch with her scratching my head.
I rule.
Bones,
Horatio
5 Comments
July 1, 2008 at 11:48 am
hoho is so badass. I love it!
July 1, 2008 at 12:11 pm
I’ve always enjoyed your posts. But, the Horatio ones are the best. I think your dog should meet my cat. They are so damn similar.
July 1, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Oh Horatio
You know that by eating your mom’s paycheck, that could mean less treats are bought for you!
But… “glorifed fetch”… I love it!
July 1, 2008 at 2:04 pm
I knew she’d forgive you. But seriously…stop shredding shit or I won’t let you spoon at night.
July 1, 2008 at 8:54 pm
I’m gonna be honest– I think my cat has developed a crush on Horatio. I tried to explain to her that it’s kind of a romeo and juliet thing (cat and dog…) but she just won’t listen.
He’s adorable
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