Dear Diary,
Guess what? Mom ditched me. Again. This time it was for some “meeting” she just had to go to. No matter how much I ram my head into her feet or fart on her pillows, she just doesn’t seem to get the point. I am the most important thing in her life, and she should act accordingly.
Not only that, but I just know I’m going to be left at home again tomorrow to fend for myself, since it’s the 4th of July. Did she ever think that maybe I would like to see some fireworks? I bet she didn’t. I’m well aware that there’s a big world out there beyond the crappy MTV she leaves on for me when she goes out. Like that’s a substitute for exploring the outdoors. Whatever. I see how it is.
She’s so selfish. If only there was another paycheck for me to eat as punishment for her blatant neglect. Alas there is not. I’ll have to settle for leaving the requisite steaming pile of love for her to clean up when she gets home tonight.
Maybe that’ll teach her.
So while all you bipeds are out there tomorrow enjoying the festivities, think about what assholes you are for leaving us four-legged furry friends at home. You think of no one but yourselves.
Oooh, Real World is on.
Bones,
Horatio
6 Comments
July 3, 2008 at 4:19 pm
You subject your poor little Scottie to MTV all day? I’m calling the ASPCA.
July 3, 2008 at 6:52 pm
We’re trying to get Calvin used to being home alone. He HATES us every single time. sigh. Freedom’s a bitch
July 3, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Dingo Girl acts like she’s happy to see us when we get home but then sometimes I have a sneaky suspicion that she’s heard us come up the stairs and has run around the apt. trying to disperse cigarette smoke and hiding her beer bottles.
July 3, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Dear Horatio,
You look cute with your tongue hanging out.
July 3, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Horatio,
Just so you know, I have so enjoyed your musings and missives and live by your code of keeping the Tall Ones down. Shaw Girl’s leaving me to fend for myself on the 4th…and she knows I love fire! Well, she shouldn’t be surprised if she comes home to a cute little fire of my own creation…fireworks don’t make themselves!
July 3, 2008 at 11:35 pm
MTV? Really? VH1 or Bravo might calm him down. I love the picture of him, too cute.
Leave a Reply