Photo by Me.
Capitol Hill interns and staffers make me want to claw my eyes out. Well, the staffers that give the normal nice staffers a bad reputation make me want to claw my eyes out. (I have friends who have been staffers and interns, so please rescind all kill orders.)
They justify their meaningless coffee-getting tour-group-leading softball-field-squatting West-Wing-worshiping Happy-Hour-attending existences by pitifully attempting to put others down.
I actually had one of these creatures get in my face the other day about vacating the National Mall because Senators Kennedy and Kerry were coming to their softball game. Then they yelled at Patrick, my fiance. Then they yelled at me again. The kid’s over-inflated self-importance was visibly leaking from his ears. I visibly rolled my eyes. C’mon, Kennedy is going to come to your softball game after his fight with a brain tumor in recent weeks? I’m also pretty sure that Kerry had better things to do.
Needless to say, neither Kerry nor Kennedy showed their faces on the mall that day. And they didn’t need the part of the expansive National Mall I happened to be on.
This is one of the things I will never stop hating about DC. Like I said, not all interns and staffers are this way, but for those of you who are, for shame! You give everyone else a bad name! You’re the dried up sticky gum on the bottom of the proverbial shoe that is Capitol Hill politics. I know being in such close proximity to power can be a strong aphrodisiac, but the only thing you have power over is choosing Splenda or Sweet and Low.
You strut your stuff and brag about things that OTHER people do. That’s right. Your entire ego is based off of someone else! Those are not your laurels that you’re resting on.
So congratulations irritating Capitol Hill gopher. This is what your Harvard education has gotten you. Rule your coffee getting domain with an iron fist! Tell the crazy constituents that your bosses don’t want to deal with to put a sock in it in German! I mean hell, you minored in it, right?
You’re the big man on campus. You’re top dog. You’re the bee’s knees. Can’t wait to hear what kind of coffee you ended up choosing via your Gtalk Status.
I’m convinced these are also the people who stand left on the escalators in the Metro.
13 Comments
July 15, 2008 at 3:57 am
I MUST start keeping a blog quote list. This was priceless: “This is what your Harvard education has gotten you. Rule your coffee getting domain with an iron fist.”
July 15, 2008 at 5:05 am
I agree with Alice, best Quote ever!!!
July 15, 2008 at 8:04 am
hahahaha so very very very true.
i wanted to hit our intern yesterday since she was dressed like she was going to a club on the beach front not to an office. this is the same girl who’s dad gave an amount to our org that almost equals her intern stipend. coincidence? I think not.
Interns make me want to vom. I know i was one but i did not a. stand on the left, b. hang on staffers at dollar beer night c. put disgusting pictures on facebook of me drinking underage at receptions (idiots) d. think i was hot shit for being an intern. i knew my place. Hell, I worked for the effing socialist! The only friend i had was the other intern from Darthmouth.
And the hill staffers? Don’t even get me started. Half of them are older than I am and act like their 12…while partying like they’re 21. No real job lets you roll in at 830a half drunk while you chat about the night before’s festivities on gtalk inbetween taking pee breaks to vomit.
Yes…I might be bitter. But my judgements? Are, for the most part, right.
<3
July 15, 2008 at 8:38 am
This is hilarious, and I will be highlighting it as guest “shout-outer” on All Mediocre this weekend. I have to tell you that before I saw your last line about the metro escalator I was totally thinking about how to work that accusation in to the shout out (I too live in the DC area).
Are you SURE Kerry and Kennedy didn’t make it to the softball game? Seems like something they wouldn’t miss.
July 15, 2008 at 9:37 am
Wow, I would have made it my sworn duty to keep my ass firmly planted on the ground and see just how red-faced and apoplectic I could have made them.
“Kerry and Kennedy who?”
“You guys seriously play softball and you’re not lesbians?”
“Do you know where I can get a good deal on an ugly blue blazer and some khakis?”
July 15, 2008 at 9:59 am
This is hilarious! I don’t have many (or ANY) interactions with Capitol Hill interns or staffers, but it’s sounding like that may be a pretty good thing.
July 15, 2008 at 10:09 am
I think behind closed doors, when they aren’t fetching Starbucks, they spend their free time touching each other inappropriately and telling each other how awesome they are.
July 15, 2008 at 11:37 am
[...] Liz Said had a little run-in with some Hill staffers and shares her opinion of them: So congratulations irritating Capitol Hill gopher. This is what [...]
July 15, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Love it. Kind of like security guards and traffic cops. Those with little power exert it most.
July 16, 2008 at 12:36 am
[...] DC Blogs, we have a WhatLizSaid rant on hill staffers: “This is what your Harvard education has gotten you. Rule your coffee getting domain with an [...]
July 16, 2008 at 7:11 am
Well don’t go letting them give happy, well-adjusted West Wing Worshippers a bad name, too, now. Come on…
July 16, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Love it. Summer interns are obnoxious.
My blog is all about it:
http://internstakedc.blogspot.com/
July 19, 2008 at 7:54 am
[...] - Indignation and staffer smackdown. What Liz [...]
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