I am absolutely mortified right now.
Last night I fell asleep watching HBO. What can I say? The third sequel of a bad movie franchise was probably a poor choice to keep me awake while I caught up on some work.
Did you know that late at night the softcore porn bunnies come out to play?
I didn’t know that.
All of a sudden there were these… noises intruding on my dream. There I was, minding my own business in my subconscious, as I diligently trained bunnies to be ninjas (don’t ask, I don’t know), and there was panting and screaming. It felt so bizarre.
Slowly I came out of consciousness and came face to face with the cinema classic “Busty Models”. At volume setting 50. At 4 in the morning. In an apartment complex with thin walls. After a quick re-con I realized with a groan that it had been going on for 45 minutes.
I fumbled with the remote frantically to change the channel, sighing in the hopes that no one heard.
Well, Patrick left for work not too long ago. I was settling back down in bed to catch a few more Zs when…
Knock, knock!
When I opened the door, a little old lady that lived down the hall met me with a stare that could burn a hole through the sun. There she was, obviously in a tizzy; so much so that one of her knee-highs was bunched around her ankle. Apparently she couldn’t commit to the second one in her unexplained rage.
I was a little taken aback, to be honest.
What could I have possibly done prior to the hour of 8am that would cause someone…
…oh, God.
“It would be appreciated by all members of this building if your,” she paused as if she were swallowing a big bitter horse pill. “If your pre-marital sins were kept to a more discreet level.”
She turned on her heel, without another word and marched back down the hall.
For some reason the following blurted out of my mouth: “I swear, I’m a good Catholic!” It fell on deaf ears. I don’t know why I said it. It’s a lie. It just came tumbling out!
I guess it’s a good thing we’re moving out of this place in four days.
23 Comments
July 21, 2008 at 8:41 am
Priceless, simply priceless.
Now tell us more about the ninja bunnies!
July 21, 2008 at 8:42 am
Oh, it’s *definitely* a good thing that you’re moving out. Because.. woah.
July 21, 2008 at 8:55 am
Well, you should give the old bag four days to remember that will be forever etched upon her inner ear canal.
July 21, 2008 at 9:09 am
That is priceless - yeah I think you should blast skinamax from now on till you move out.
Gotta love late night movies.
July 21, 2008 at 9:29 am
I’m a (somewhat) good Catholic girl and I take this as a sign that God wants you to move to Capitol Hill. Now.
July 21, 2008 at 9:47 am
Oh. MY. God. I would have just dropped dead. That’s horrifying!
July 21, 2008 at 10:30 am
Holy crap. Holy crap. Painfully awkward!
July 21, 2008 at 10:31 am
hahah awesome. Oh God…indeed.
July 21, 2008 at 10:58 am
This is one reason why (along with being cheap) I only have basic cable.
Please, please get a picture of her before you move!!!
July 21, 2008 at 11:15 am
good to see this - thanks
July 21, 2008 at 12:13 pm
You poor thing! But that story is too funny. I love how you described her reaction.
July 21, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Sinner!
That’s mortifying, indeed. I’m cringing on your behalf.
July 21, 2008 at 3:43 pm
oh. my. god.
that story is ridiculous - yet hilarious!
July 21, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Hee! You should tell her that you’re having a swinger’s party before you leave and that you’d like her to be the guest of honor.
July 21, 2008 at 10:40 pm
hahaha how embarrassing! For the neighbour lady that is!
Pre-marital sins, that’s a good one!
July 22, 2008 at 2:52 pm
Ha! That was good for a laugh or two. I’d definitely crank the late-night HBO again before you move out….
July 22, 2008 at 2:55 pm
HAHA. I can’t believe she even had the balls to say anything! So funny/ridiculous.
July 22, 2008 at 10:58 pm
That made me laugh really hard out loud. Hilarious, I mean absolutely hilarious.
that happens to me when I’m watching Cinemax (during daytime) and then watch a movie and when I switch over the porn is on the channel. It gives you a jump
July 23, 2008 at 11:53 am
Oh my god. That did not happen. HAHAH
July 23, 2008 at 1:33 pm
hahahahaha!
falling off my chair laughing here!
awesome!!!
July 24, 2008 at 8:07 am
I have to say that this was one of the funniest things I have read in a very long time.
Only to you, Liz! lol
August 15, 2008 at 6:24 am
[...] since I wrote about my experience with “Busty Models” getting me in trouble with my neighbors I have had many new hits, through the magic of Google. Sadly I do not think they found what they [...]
August 15, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Haha, awesome. same thing happened to me at my buddy’s house after a party, I had the Playboy channel on super loud, and then passed out. No neighbors came by though.
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