What Liz Said

The title says it all, folks: Dating is absurd.  I’ve found over the years that there are more complaints about dates and dating than positive commentary.

The whole dating enterprise is just awkward; especially The First Date.

The First Date is a disaster, no matter how you slice it.  This is especially true if you haven’t had a lot of social contact prior to the date.  One of the major reasons for downward spiral of suck is that you don’t even show up on your own date!

Your Public Relations Representative goes on your date.  You know, the you that doesn’t order too much food and says all the right things.  It’s your best you.  It’s the you with no makeup smudges and carefully crafted attire.

A lot of times your dinner partner is doing the same thing, so there you are: two representatives of two actual people going out on a date.  Is this person good for you?  You don’t know, because you only met their marketing department.

If the date goes well, what usually follows is a comedy of errors as you try to dress up flaws as adorable quirks.  But hey, at least your apartment has never been cleaner.

Another personal beef I have with a formal official date is that it automatically makes my back stiff.  I’m not at ease.  I’m not in my comfort zone.  There I am, sitting in a restaurant in a dress that makes me feel self-conscious, worried over the menu because their are no prices listed.

I’ve been on a few dates, and I’m not talking dates you go on after a relationship is established.  One of the very few I actually enjoyed was one where I wasn’t even sure it was a date.  I know, it sounds weird.  To this day I don’t know, and frankly, I don’t care.  It was still a lot of fun.  The whole evening was completely spontaneous.  Let’s go in this store.  Let’s go try random beers.  Let’s go play shuffleboard. Oh, a cheese shop!

I’ve had more Dating Call Backs from these types of “dates”.  My success rate is higher in that sort of hang out situation.  You get to know someone.  You’re more relaxed.    Hell, I don’t even know if I’ve ever had a success story resulting from a formal date.

Two horror stories spring to mind:

First was a birthday dinner I was taken on years ago, while I was living in Boston.  I felt so uncomfortable.  It became this big production.  I tripped and hurt my ankle while walking in cobblestones in heels.  I hated my outfit.  It wasn’t even what I wanted to do on my birthday, but he insisted.  My dinner date was a self-important walking ego who kept parroting reviews to me about the place we were going, and why I was going to love it.  When we finally arrived, he corrected the hostess on the pronunciation of his last name.  Twice.  I’m sure you can guess how the evening progressed.  Oh, and the food was awful.

The second instance was with a guy I’ll call Joel.  Joel really loved Joel.  He loved talking about Joel.  He loved praising Joel and all his accomplishments.  He loved talking about Joel and all the places he had been.  Needless to say when he invited me back to his place at the end of the evening, I declined.

I guess it’s to each their own, though.  I’m a blue jeans kind of girl, so I guess it would follow I’d like a Blue Jeans Kind of Date.  And since humor reigns supreme as one of my biggest turn ons, it’s not surprising that the fun silly dates win out for me in the end.

Good or bad, I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with the dating scene anymore.  Although it was sometimes fun to have a guy hold a door open in an effort to impress…

…but that was rare.