Dear Diary,
My mother is an idiot. Monday and Tuesday she was home from “work”, as she was “sick”. You’d think this would mean she would do her duty and pay attention to me, but no. She needed “rest”.
Whatever.
The whole enterprise was thoroughly exhausting. Rolling on my back. Romping on the bed. Head-butting mom. Tugging the [...]
Posts Tagged as ‘horatio judges you’
November 19, 2008
“Horatio Judges You”: Episode #19
October 4, 2008
“Horatio Judges You”: Peasants Unite!
Dearest Peasants,
Horatio here. Over the past few months, I’ve garnered a few fans. Not that I blame you. I’m cute, for one. Look at the ears. And the eyes. I make funny noises. I do quirky things. I get in trouble and get away with it on looks. I’m like James Dean, but without the [...]
September 26, 2008
“Horatio Judges You”: Episode Seventeen
Dear Diary,
It has been a long time since I’ve written, but I’ve been pre-occupied with my new love: BATHTUBS!
I love jumping in them. I love sitting in them. I love chasing my tail in them. I love napping in them. I love making mom and dad uncomfortable by staring at them from the bathtub while [...]
August 21, 2008
“Horatio Judges You”: Episode Sixteen
Dear Peasants,
Look into my eyes. You will bow to me. You will provide me with all of your kibble. When you go out and eat steak, you will bring some to me in a Doggie Bag. (There’s a reason for the name, hello!) You will rub my tummy whenever I want. You will play rope [...]
August 7, 2008
“Horatio Judges You”: Episode Fifteen
Dear Diary,
Today I lost a fight to a wall. I barked at it. I scratched at it. I growled. I backed up and tried to intimidate it, but it would not budge. This went on for about 10 minutes. Finally I got scared, started crying, put my tail between my legs, and piddled myself. Mom [...]
